Keeping the subject light during a fun date can be difficult for couples who are struggling with liking each other or who have a lot of pain between them. When couples come to one of my workshops or see me for therapy, I provide them with "Fun Date Question Cards". This packet of five question cards are designed to help couples follow the rules of the fun date. They also help the couple stay turned toward each other during the date.
When we are first dating (before marriage) we tend to spend a lot of conversation time curiously trying to learn about each other and sharing ourselves. Married couple conversations tend to be focused ouside of each other - job, extended family, kids, friends, etc. When they do turn toward each other in conversation, it tends to focus on the problems, not on being curious about each other.
The design of the "Fun Date Question Cards" is to give couples a launching point for conversation. Whether it is to redirect away from a difficult topic or to simply start a conversation focused on each other, the questions on these cards give couples a place to start. I encourage them to follow every rabbit trail in the conversation. When it finally looses energy, it's time to pick a new question card.
Couples have asked where to find additional cards. There are several places you can find additional questions to use on your "Fun Date" should you wish.*
Pick up a copy of101 Conversation Starters for couples by Dr. Gary Chapman (author of the popular 5 Love Languages). It is available in a Kindle and Nook version so you can take it along in your smart phone.
This four inch acrylic box is filled with 135 cards. Each card contains a conversation starter.
For the brave, you could also try the 40 card pack of Pillow Talk couples cards. "Indulge in intimate talk that's a little tender, a little playful and totally loving."
For those looking for date ideas, TableTalk also has a pack of 80 Date Night Idea Cards.
|The Pocket Couples Version of the Ungame can be used alone or as replacement cards for The Ungame board game.|
| Slightly different, Life Storiesis a board game that can be played by 2-8 people.
Players roll the dice and, depending upon where they land, pick from one of four types of cards: Memories, Etchings, Valuables -- if someone can't remember or doesn't have an answer they can opt to choose from the Alternative deck. Each topic covers a lifetime of experiences, i.e. MEMORIES: What is a favorite letter you received? ETCHINGS: What is a musical instrument you play or would like to play? VALUABLES: What is one of your goals in life? ALTERNATIVES: Recite a favorite nursery rhyme. As each player reaches the "Grand Celebration"(the center) the other players tell a story/experience/something positive about that player.
This is a game I recommend for families, but is also a great learning game for couples to play.
There are also a variety of places on the web where you can find lists of questions. Here are a couple you might consider.
Note: Including them here does not constitute an endorsement of the website or author.
While the above are really designed for Fun Date conversation starters, there are also great questions to add to your Working Date agenda.
Note that I do NOT recommend these for Fun Dates, but there are some great working date questions here.
- 5 Weekly questions for spouses - NOT a good choice for a Fun Date, but good for the weekly working date
- 50 Annual Questions to ask your Spouse - Not for the faint at heart
Drop me a note if you are aware of others
*Clicking on the link and purchasing from Amazon.com provides a small comission to Building Intimate Marriages, Inc. A great way to contribute to our ministry withit it costing you more.